Why I'll Never Be As Good a Blogger as Susie

I worked all night. Literally. I got in yesterday at like ten am (about usual) and stopped for lunch around 4, did a little websurfing & bought some shit on eBay. I meant to write another post, but I had this one simple thing I wanted to get done first. Next thing I know it's midnight & I sort of wandered around for a while looking for a vending machine with a damn Snickers bar in it. They had all these 'healthier choice' items with little red hearts next to them on account of whiners like me complain that all we can find is candy bars. Be careful what you ask for is all I have to say about that.

OK, so the one thing I needed to do is make this javascript pop-out menu work properly before I left is all. And it works in three out of the four sub-folders that contain this medium-sized website. I have to keep them all in these same subfolders on account of the users of the document will completely freak out if their bookmarks don't work anymore & if they freak out they'll drive me over the edge of insane. It's bad enough that I changed it from gold to blue, and it's more legible now, and everything in it is actually true and up-to-date. They're freaking out already.

And yeah I could redirect the pages but the people who control the automatic redirect thingy for this domain hate my guts & it would take me too long to figure out how to do it myself. You know how those people are.

Anyway, you know how you get to the point where you're just making things worse? I got to that point a little after 4 am. I thought it best to leave for a while even though I hadn't checked all the links and the menu wasn't popping up quite right on those five pages in that one folder.

Dammit Jim! I'm an editor, not a programmer.

I left the parking lot at 4:23am and tried to find an all-night breakfast place between work and my house. I thought Mr. Waffle would be open but it wasn't. I was hungry and tired, but tired won out and sleeping for a little while seemed better than driving all the hell over trying to find a Waffle House. They're all out on the freeway and I don't like going on the freeway even at my best, so I swung by the nearest IHOP on the off chance that it was open. I was glad it wasn't, to be perfectly honest.

The most nearly sane thing I could think to do was to go home and take a shower and a nap and maybe then, I thought, I could post something or another. I ate some saltines just to shut my body up so I could sleep a little while. I got to hear the BBC overnight feed, where a nice BBC guy was reading a biography of Will Shakespeare - I think it's Will's birthday this week or maybe next -- the BBC guy got kind of sexy-sounding when he quoted from the sonnets & then Morning Edition came on, which always puts me right to sleep. Then I woke up just before six, starving to death & I thought surely someplace would be open after six, so I put on a pretty dress (always dress better when you feel shitty, that's what my mama always says) and headed out. Who knew nothing normal was open yet at 6?

I'm not what you'd call a morning person.

I found a place near my office even though I don't like the hashbrowns here very much. In fact, they don't make very good hashbrowns anywhere within like 100 miles of here. There are a couple of places that do OK, but most places give you fried chunks or cubes of potatoes and call them hashbrowns, which I guess I'm used to now. I've mostly stopped bitching about it, but man, hashbrowns at Al's Breakfast? Or the Seward Cafe? Or Key's? What I wouldn't give right now ... Anyway, this here establishment is not the sort of place that has free wi-fi, nor the kind of place where middle-aged women in groovy glasses sit typing on their sleek silver laptops. I'm the only woman here who's not wearing makeup, I think. And I certainly have the prettiest dress.

I've got that going for me anyway.

I've had my breakfast now and I'm trying to keep my coffee cup as far from the waitress as possible. It's finally reached the perfect temperature and optimal coffee:cream ratio and I don't want her to wreck it. She's very nice and has called me 'hon' a bunch of times already.

They're playing the radio kind of loud this morning. At least it's not those asshole morning funny guys, but this music is suboptimal. I was annoyed at first with that hideous 'If a picture paints a thousand words then why can't I paint you?' song playing when I sat down. I was afraid that I'd be singing it all day, but now that I've eaten and 'There's a bathroom on the right' has played I think I'll move past that other song just fine. I've always kind of liked John Fogerty.

Then the so-called news came on. Man, where's my sexy BBC guy when I need him? These loud-ass 'Joe Radio' types reading these smarmy newscasts that might as well be written by BushCo flaks telling me about the Great New Bankruptcy Bill that The President will sign into law today & how it will put a halt to all those scofflaws getting sick & stuff to avoid paying off their credit cards and also about the Great New Pope Inquisitor who's gonna work on bringing all christians together. Isn't that just grand? Damn, they turned off the radio so's they can hear the TV better up front at the counter. I missed the end of the news. Thank god for small favors. And now I can hear some perky Motown girl group singing from the kitchen -- I can't quite tell what it is, but it's better than that fucking newscast. And now I can hear the guys at the next table talking about how Tom DeLay's getting shafted by them wacky liberals out to get the poor man. I am so out of touch, yall.

No, no more coffee. Thanks.

I've just got a couple of minutes before the drive-thru window at the bank opens & I can drive through & get some cash on my way back to work. Time to blog! Yay! But I'm not online & I can't find out what's going on & link to stuff & anyway I'm not sure even how I'll post this once I get there [duh, you'll transfer this file to your PC via the little USB key you're wearing around your neck - ed], on account of I can't connect this box to the network because I haven't installed the proper security thingy. On purpose. It's not that I have anything to hide, but I'd just hate it if our nice bible-believing Darwin-doubting quasi-survivalist (but totally hot, I gotta tell you -- my god what is wrong with me?) tech guy could go through my deleted files.

I should probably stop & get some Snickers bars to stash in my desk in case this ever happens again. Fucking animal crackers is all I could find in my building. And those radioactive orange crackers with the peanut butter. I had to go two buildings over to find a Snickers Bar, but I think I needed the walk.
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