THE QUEEN'S NIGHT OFF

It was a long night.

First of all, they pick you up in the Wampum stretch limo and take you to an undisclosed location somewhere in D.C. Imagine my surprise when they took off the blindfold and I realized it was, yes, John Ashcroft who anointed me with oil during the Koufax coronation ceremony, held in some cathedral or other. The hallucinogens were in full force; he kept moving his hands in the air and mumbling about "holy trails."

Digby was pretty funny. (Did you know he actually speaks Aramaic? He was a consultant on "The Passion.") He told Ashcroft he was an archangel and Ashcroft kept prostrating himself. (Unfortunately, every time he did it, you'd hear an audible crack when his forehead hit the marble floor. We were all calling him "Lumpy" by the end of the night. Oh, and Scalia never showed up.)

Then we left for a private club in Georgetown. That Professor Juan Cole - man, that guy can drink. And who'd a thought he was that good with the ladies? Sure, they were paid for the evening, but they weren't assigned to anyone in particular - which really seemed to piss off Josh Marshall. (He said it was "typical" of liberals that they couldn't make a decision about who deserved what, and pointed out the possible effect on the 2008 Democratic primaries.)

Oh, he brought his little dog, too. It was really excited and peed a lot. Someone - I won't say who - attempted a little Santorum tribute, but the dog kept getting loose.

David? Well, let's just say that, like Ashcroft, he spent a lot of time prostrate - in his case, to the porcelain god. Chris and Jerome were a close second - very close.

Jeralyn's a lot of fun. She was doing the plate dance up on the table and was joined by Amanda, who stuck to her pledge of "much drunken speechifying and boobies." From the way Bill's eyes were bugging out, you'd think he never saw a couple of drunken, naked female bloggers before. (I guess in Maine, you don't get out much.)

And yes, it was my idea to bring in Hunk of the Week NTodd as the male stripper. (As suspected, that boy has talent - and not just as a blogger.)

The General is into leather. (But I guess you already figured that out.) He regaled us with some pretty wild stories about his trips to Vegas with Bill Bennett, with whom he shares a taste for doms.

The Poor Man brought Cheney, who was surprisingly cordial, considering we called him "Satan" all night. He and Scott apparently know each other from the national poker circuit. (Meteor, too. He's a quiet sort; apparently he'd rather comment in writing.)

In a nice gesture, Marcos brought Duncan as a sort of consolation prize. But Duncan was on a crying jag, and it was a little sad, frankly. Besides, Kos kept ranting about SQL databases, and it was Not Of General Interest.

The limo ride home is a little foggy. Suffice it to say, it involved massive lube stains on the leather seats, copious amounts of 'shrooms, what seemed like dozens of used condoms stuck to the bottoms of shoes (the driver may have parked and gotten in on the action at some point), and a tiny soupçon of man (and woman) on dog action.

Or was it all just a dream?

(Click here for picture. Not safe for work!)
| |