CHRISTMAS: NOT AS BAD AS EXPECTED

On Christmas Eve, a friend and I attended Midnight Mass at St. Francis DeSales Church in West Philadelphia. It's one of those magnificent old churches with a domed top and great acoustics. They have a fantastic choir, a French pipe organ and even a brass ensemble.

And even if (as my friend pointed out) the pastor did sound an awful lot like the mayor from The Simpsons, it was a lovely service. After dropping him off downtown, I drove home and finally fell into my own bed about 2:30 a.m.

My best friend woke me up with a phone call at 8 a.m. "Merry fucking Christmas, when are you coming over for breakfast?" Arghhh. I crawled out of bed, got dressed, put all the presents in my car and got on the turnpike. She and her daughter gave me a DVD of "Finding Nemo" (because they keep insisting that Dory, the blue fish, is "exactly" like me - and by the way, they're not the only ones) and I gave them both crocheted scarfs and hats. I hung out until early afternoon, when I left for the Madrak family gathering.

In addition to crocheting scarves for the rest of my friends, I made them for my family, too. I wasn't quite sure how they would react, because most of them ain't the warm and fuzzy type. I was pleasantly surprised - the scarves were a huge hit, expecially with the young 'uns (mostly in their twenties). I carefully selected the yarn for each scarf based on the recipient's coloring and style; I was thrilled at how well I'd chosen. Everyone was very happy with them - they all sat down to dinner still wearing their new scarves, and kept them on all night. (My younger brother, who's gay, showed us the latest way to wear them. He also informed us that "Fantastic!" is the new "Fabulous!" You read it here first.)

Anyway, it really made me feel good. What made it even nicer was, not one of my usually-snarky family members said anything mean or critical all day.

It was a Christmas miracle...

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